Month 23: Apron Days

I am a working mom.

Not only have I come to terms with this lifestyle, but I enjoy the diversity of daily experiences. I enjoy being a part of the work force, and of the church where I have been employed for nearly five years. I recognize that my job is a "dream job" that could not have been better suited for my strengths and talents. Daniel's preschool is phenomenal, and his incredible development is attributed to the constant stimulation and affection he receives from the staff. Our family thrives in chaos, and honestly we love the hectic pace that comes with having two working parents.

I am (we are) blessed.

But there's a piece of me that longs for the Norman Rockwell experience. Sometimes I want to be the woman in the paintings - hair and makeup done perfectly, not a bead of sweat on her brow, serving a gorgeous dinner to her family, and always (always) wearing an apron.

For days like this, I have an apron. It's purple, with subtle brown and orange stripes. When I put it on, a sense of empowerment overtakes me. I feel more confident in my maternal instincts. I feel energized and capable. I feel perfectly suited to take care of a household full of kids. In some mysterious way, when I put on my purple apron, I feel a peace absent from my chaotic life. A long forgotten itch is scratched.

"Apron days" have become some of my favorite things. I get out of bed before anyone else is awake, put on comfy clothes, my pink houseshoes and my purple apron. I tie my hair up, and tackle the kitchen. Before long, it's sparkling clean and breakfast is cooking on the stove. Sometimes french toast, sometimes omelettes, sometimes an adventurous selection from a dusty cookbook. Watching Fernando and Daniel polish off their meal is indescribably rewarding. After preparing for lunch and dinner, I usually let myself get swept up in a whirlwind of house-cleaning. All the stereotypes I have grated against for 29 years are ironically fulfilled - against my own wishes, I find that I LIKE wearing the apron.

I want the best for Daniel. I still believe that for him, that means a balanced combination of social environment and home life. He has the best of both worlds right now - we are, without question, doing our best for him. But I will always wonder what life would have been like had I been able to wear the apron every day.